The Long Road to Happiness

The Long Road to Happiness I’ve been meaning to write this blog post for a while, maybe since sophomore fall, and not really had the courage to do it or the time to think about what I wanted to say. When I was a freshman, I wrote two posts about the difficulty of adjusting to MIT called How to Fail. Since then, I’ve stayed more or less quiet about the other academic struggles I’ve facedsometimes just because there wasn’t time to write about them. I think being happy or sad is sort of like being full or hungry. When I’m really full, sometimes I think I won’t ever eat again for three days (which is obviously not true) and I just don’t even really remember what it feels like to be hungry. When I’m ravenously hungry, I feel like I could eat everything (also not true) and I just can’t even think back to the feeling of fullness. Now that I’m (fortunately!) doing a lot better, I remember only the vague impressions of being horribly, horribly sad. For this blog post, I had to refer a lot to the private tumblr blog I kept where I vented those feelings, to even remember what that was like. Sometime in early November, I found myself in the waiting room at MIT Mental Health services. I realized, awkwardly, that I recognized another undergrad sitting there, and I proceeded to avoid eye contact and look at my shoes. I was thinking that I was glad that I wasn’t alone, and then wondering whether or not that was a selfish thing to think. A nice receptionist at the desk gave me some forms to fill out, so I busied myself with those. Another person came out later and collected my forms, glanced at them, and asked me to follow her to a room. She became the therapist I saw regularly for the rest of the semester, and into IAP. Externally, unless you had seen me sitting there fidgeting in the waiting room, I don’t think anyone would have thought much was wrong. I had just spent the summer visiting China, UROP-ing for Mediated Matter with two weeks at Google in California, and successfully beginning well construction for my project in Ethiopia. When back on campus, I continued to be involved in many activities in the MIT community, including Chinese Students’ Club, the Ethiopian-Eritrean Students’ Association, and my sorority, Delta Phi Epsilon. I was still UROP-ing with Mediated Matter, still blogging, and even working on the Pi Day video. And while I was doing these things, I really was fairly happy, at MIT doing stuff I enjoyed. Except, pretty much all the time that I didn’t have to be around other people, I would retreat to my room and feel like there was a sinkhole in my stomach. It was really affecting my workI would often miss class, and the occasional assignment. There was a point where I really didn’t know how to fix what was wrong, or what to do about it, and that scared me. I was at a complete loss. I was sleeping enough8 hours a night sometimes, usually 6-7and I was eating, healthy-ish at least. But when I was in class, there were days that I just couldn’t handle being there and I wanted to leave immediately. I would go home in the middle of the day because I was on the verge of a breakdown. One of the few things that kept me going was just calling my mother, and talking to her about feeling stressed, or sad. Sometimes it was just nice to talk to someoneabout anything. The issue was that I had devolved into a deep, deep well of self-loathing. A lot of pressuresMIT things, non-MIT things, college things, home-life things, identity things, getting sick during the semesterhad piled up. I felt like I was carrying a lot of stuff at once. It was so ironically in contrast to the person that I was projecting on the outside: active in the community, hard at work pursuing projects, bright and energetic. One of the pressures that I can disclose was feeling this strange, existential crisis for being a mixed persona feeling that I still have, in milder quantities. It goes back to a post I actually wrote during the summer, Alien in America. Discriminatory incidents happen frequently in my lifeeven here in Cambridge, random strangers will heckle me in rude or vulgar ways related to being mixed or “exotic”. I started to view myself as useless and worthless, truly alienlike I didn’t belong anywhere, and horribly alone. I fixated, day-in and day-out, on this feeling. Normally, like any regular person who sometimes receives angry or negative comments, I try to take it in stride, live my life, remember that those people don’t matter. But combined with other pressures in my life, that ability to deflect those incidents was getting chipped away at, bit by bit. Here is an excerpt from something I wrote at the time: “I was thinking often that what if I just moved to Oregon and become a fair trade coffee shop barista. And I stop talking to most of the people I once knew. And whenever I meet anyone new, I only tell them I’m from Denver, and if they ask “where are you really from” I say Denver, and “where are your parents from”, Denver. If anyone asks me about my name I simply say, “oh, my dad picked it, it means peace in several languages”. Or maybe I just go by “Angela”. And everyone I’ve ever known, except for maybe my family, mostly forgets. I bet if I didn’t talk to anyone for years, they would mostly forget, and move on with their busy lives. Heck, it happens to people all the time without them even wanting it to. And maybe occasionally there’s still people on the street who randomly yell things like “where are *you* from?” or “are you Hawaiian”, and I just ignore them. I just erase everything. I don’t tell anyone who I am, or rather, who I used to be. I don’t talk about these things. I disappear, completely and quietly, into the crowds. I was talking to someone the other day, who said that suicidal thoughts are often a measure of how depressed someone is. Thinking about things abstractly is very different from having already pondered the details of what you would doit’s more concerning if someone has a plan than just a vague wish. And I do not think about that, mostly because I’d never do that to my mother. But I do think, in detail, about disappearing. About becoming nothing, which is the way I feel already. I am just an empty shell of a person who pretends that they belong here, with all these vibrant, purposeful people. I wish I could just quit everything and give up and go.” Never before in my life had I a stronger wish to run away from myself, from who I was as a person. I felt dissociated from people, like I was far, far away from everyone. It felt like looking at life through a glass window, but not actually participating in it. And many days I didn’t want to participatepulled out of bed only because I didn’t want to disappoint my mother, and somewhere, deep down, myself. Sometimes a normal day was a herculean effort. Getting out of bed was reaching deep into myself and gathering strength I did not have. Doing my homeworkjust starting it, ignoring the actually difficult task of completing it more or less correctlywas nearly impossible. Somewhere in the haze of that negativity, I was talking to one of my best friends, Javier W. ‘17 of Trinity College. He convinced me that this wasn’t normal, and that I should get help. I wasn’t very reasonable with him at first and refused for a while. But eventually, I went to a slot at Let’s Chat, a program started at MIT fairly recently; I think within the last three years or so. During the week, you can drop into a room in building 6 during certain times for a small, informal, 20-minute conversation with someone from MIT Mental Health. I didn’t tell anyone about it. I had looked at the mental health website, but calling to schedule an appointment felt too intimidating. Let’s Chat seemed a lot more casual and easier. It was a Thursday, and I remember feeling my heart sink, because the next day that Let’s Chat was available was Tuesday. Getting through four days, even when two were on the weekend, felt like such a difficult struggle, when even waking up required all the willpower I had. I felt immediately better after finally going to Let’s Chat, and not only because the conversation was helpful. It was actually mostly because I felt like I was doing something, that there were steps I was taking, that we were going to get somewhere, eventually, and the strange slow-motion hell I was in wasn’t going to last forever. The person I had spoken with there helped me schedule an appointment at MIT Medical, which later led to sitting and fidgeting in the waiting room. Something I realized during and after all of this is that happiness has a lot of basic mechanical components you have to plan and maintain for. When people talk about happiness they quickly go to big concepts like career fulfillment or finding love, but sometimes its just sleeping and eating right and making a little time for being with friends. Being happy, to a degree, is part of your healthin particular your mental health. When traumatizing or difficult things happen in life, you have to learn how to cope with them. You have to take tiny steps, every day. Going from a dark place to being happy again can’t just happen overnightit’s a long, long road, with a lot of checkpoints on the way, like cleaning your room again and isolating yourself a little less. Sometimes, you just have to seek small victories, like showering and doing your laundry, and this helps you get back to a place where you can work on homework again and study for exams or work on projects. Some of the best advice my therapist gave me was the following, which I wrote down on my tumblr: When you wake up in the morning, eat a warm breakfast Get at least 7 hours of sleep. Spend lots of time around people, especially when working. If social interaction is stressful, then spend time in “in-between” placesâ€"coffee shops, libraries, places where people are around you but you may not know them and you don’t have to talk to anyone. When working, listen to music. Make sure it’s music without lyrics so that it isn’t distracting. Take breaks, especially if you feel like you’ve been “working” for a while and not been productive. Just standing up from your seat will change your blood pressure, heart rate, and body temperature. Exercise as much as possible. Doesn’t have to be much, just 10 minutes or more at a high intensity to increase endorphins. Hang in there! It might seem pretty basic, but you’d be surprised how in the busyness of life you forget to do these things, and how much they can affect your mood. Even when I started doing a bit better and just having bad days instead of bad weeks, I noticed that I had to make an effort to check myselfdid I eat or sleep, do I need a break, or maybe a walk? Do I need to talk to someonemy mother, a friendor just sit in the library around other students? Who can I reach out to? The same communities that I had honestly started to dread attending meetings for (only because of what I was dealing with, no fault of theirs) I realized were also my support groups. I talked to other club members about stuff going on, big and small, and reached out to my sorority when I needed company or hugs. Working with them became fun again. It took a lot to climb out of the hole, and part of it was just the semester ending and having a break for a while during winter. But I still feel like I’m working on it, at least a little. Sometimes I have bad days, but, like I’ve learned to manage migraines by taking painkillers early, I manage depressive thoughts by calling my mother, talking to someone, taking a break, a walk, a nap, doing any of the above things my therapist suggested. The real reason I decided to write this post is that I don’t think enough people who seem to be successful, especially those who seem happy and well-adjusted on the outside, talk about what’s going on under the hood. Things happen, life happens, to everyone, whether you’re at MIT or anywhere, in college or not. I’m grateful for all the opportunities I’ve had, and I’m so glad many of them have worked outbut my mind wasn’t, and isn’t, always in the right place or thinking positively. A lot of people tell you that to be successful, you have to work ridiculously hard and stretch your limits. But you also have to take care of yourself, at least part of the time, in small ways and big ones. When life gets in the way of your work or school, you have to deal with it and recover, because, surprise, trying to ignore it and keep working won’t work. The only regret I have is not getting the help I needed sooner. One of the other reasons I was able to start being more stable and productive again was finding other MIT students who were open about not doing well or struggling in classes, and we would talk to each other about it or do homework together. Like fidgeting in the waiting room with another person I knew, it was comforting to know that I wasn’t alonethough, I still wonder if that’s maybe a selfish thought. Hopefully, if this lets you know you’re not alone either, it will balance that out. Post Tagged #Let's Chat #mental health #MIT Mental Health

Three Things Never to Write About in Your College Essay

<h1>Three Things Never to Write About in Your College Essay</h1><p>In the future it will be difficult to make any review on the off chance that you don't have these three things in your school paper. So in this article I am going to see three hints for you to recollect. Every one of them will be about what not to do.</p><p></p><p>Never overlook that composing is the initial step to complete a school exposition. When you have gotten it composed then you have to have a decent one prepared for survey. Ensure you put forth a valiant effort and that you are composing admirably. Nothing ruins a school article more than an inadequately composed one.</p><p></p><p>Never put in your name and that of the school on each and every point you can. This isn't just superfluous yet it can likewise be seen as being excessively close to home and you don't need that. It is smarter to possibly have your name when you can legitimize why it i s important.</p><p></p><p>Never simply disgorge yourself. Give models where you have utilized the word 'in' previously. On the off chance that it has been utilized, show models. The more you use yourself and the words you use in your article, the more awful it will look.</p><p></p><p>Never be dull. This is exceptionally difficult to do in a school exposition so make an effort not to do it. Ensure there is no redundancy in your points.</p><p></p><p>Never neglect to get a couple of good pictures in your school article. This is a significant one and it is urgent that you incorporate a couple of good pictures. Nothing will make your school exposition look terrible than having a little, hazy picture or a severely shaded one.</p><p></p><p>These are three things that you will never need to overlook. They are significant for making your school paper exceptional. In this article you have perused a portion of the tips that I used to assist me with my essay.</p>

Yes, Or No Essay Topics - How to Choose One That Is Great

<h1>Yes, Or No Essay Topics - How to Choose One That Is Great</h1><p>Yes, or No Essay points are significant subjects that each article needs to have. There are a couple of things that you have to consider when composing your article so it will be exceptionally simple for you to do it. Realizing the correct points to expound on in your paper will make it simpler for you to get the entirety of the data out and think that its extremely easy to alter and keep up with.</p><p></p><p>The primary concern that you have to remember is that so as to keep your exposition fascinating, you should just put things that are going to issue at long last. There are not a great deal of subjects that will really give you that degree important to have the option to truly identify with them. In this manner, the one that you are going to utilize is one that you realize that there are going to issue to your subject.</p><p></p><p>Now, you have to choose what sort of paper themes you will compose. You can go for an article that has nothing to do with your preferred subject or you can pick one that does. While picking your paper subjects, you will need to ensure that you are giving data that individuals will have the option to get enthusiasm for. A decent method to discover this is to go on the web and take a gander at what others have composed on the topic.</p><p></p><p>Also, there are a wide range of approaches to composing your paper theme and a decent one for you to attempt will rely upon your own inclination. Regardless of whether you pick a short point or an article that will be longer, will rely upon the style of your essay.</p><p></p><p>If you have a companion that is composing a paper, you might need to go with their exposition themes since they might be composing something like what you are. Notwithstanding, on the off chance that you are utilizing a paper to compose for a class or for school, you will need to be increasingly engaged and compose a progressively instructive exposition on the topic.</p><p></p><p>yes or no article points To ensure that your paper will be anything but difficult to peruse, you will need to ensure that the themes are straightforward and straight forward. The more that you invest energy in your theme, the simpler it will be for you to get the entirety of the data that you have to compose on the topic.</p><p></p><p>If you recognize what you are composing and you realize that you have a point that is going to assist you with getting the entirety of the data that you need, at that point it will be simpler for you to get into the psyche of your peruser and discover what they are thinking. This is a significant piece of the procedure that makes your paper look extraordinary and is something that will truly assist you with getting it done.</p>

Web Scraping Research Papers

<h1>Web Scraping Research Papers</h1><p>Research papers can be separated into two fundamental classes - web scratching and accommodation. Web scratching includes taking data and things from different assets, composing a rundown of that data, and afterward utilizing that synopsis to respond to the current inquiry. Accommodation, then again, includes entering data and things from different assets into a document.</p><p></p><p>Both of these are work-based techniques yet have their disparities. While accommodation requires handling the data, web scratching can include doing no preparing. Hence, web scratching research papers have a somewhat more elevated level of complexity.</p><p></p><p>For starters, web scratching has a couple of a greater number of necessities than accommodation. To start with, the measure of data to be scratched is more than for accommodation. Furthermore, the measure of time and exertion to carry out the responsibility is likewise more noteworthy. The subsequent data might be diverse for each unique individual, and might not have been completely assessed before being submitted.</p><p></p><p>The procedure of social affair the data to use in investigate papers, then again, is much simpler. No handling is required, and you just need a PC with web get to. The data can be found in any number of better places. An article, book, online report, or video may contain enough data to accumulate a paper.</p><p></p><p>Web scratching research papers have been around for a long while, however they were generally not as easy to use as accommodation. They were likewise commonly hard to compose. With the improvement of the web, in any case, the degree of trouble has dropped significantly.</p><p></p><p>Web scratching is currently perhaps the least demanding kind of research papers to compose, with most sites offering test archi ves you can download and alter at your relaxation. Some additionally offer layouts to help you out.</p><p></p><p>This sort of paper likewise profits by having a format to follow. The formats make it simple to have your examination paper prepared in a couple of hours, so you can submit it immediately to distributers can do likewise. Research papers for a wide range of distributers will be acknowledged, and you can normally hope to pay less for this kind of paper.</p><p></p><p>If you are keen on building up your vocation in the scholarly world, you ought to consider a web scratching research papers. Truth be told, in the event that you need to climb in the positions, you should simply invest some energy considering the papers previously composed and start gathering data for your own examination paper.</p>